Change

Somewhere beneath
your guilt and regret
you changed.

Somewhere beyond
my bitterness and blame
I changed.

Somehow in a moment
of unburdened love
we changed

And made peace
on the battlefield
to which
for too long
we’ve been chained.

And I can breathe again.

The Good Life

Sweet kisses
Morning smiles
Belly laughs
Long walks
Holding hands
Honest words
Comfy silence
The warm sun
A cool breeze
The kind of rain that clears away anything darkening your soul
Wonder
Awe
Possibilities
Relaxation
Pleasure
Lightness
Softness
Deliciousness
Ease
Learning
Changing
Growth
Trust

Most of all…
Love

I Love You Enough

I love you enough
to love your freedom
as much as I love my own.

To stand aside and
not block the sun. It’s my
honor to watch you grow.

I love you enough
to support every wish,
every wild idea, every dream.

I’ll lift you up
above my shoulders to
reach as far as you can see.

I love you enough
to know you’re borrowed.
I claim no ownership of your life.

But until the day
I take my last breath I’ll
say a prayer for you every night.

And when I am gone
I’ll love you enough to
keep my memories of you in my mind

so when I meet our Maker
I’ll thank him (or her)
for giving me the greatest love of my life.

On Tenderness

I would never call myself a tender person. Ever. I can’t recall a time in my life when I could have been described as tender. Gentle, perhaps. Kind, maybe. But tender …

Tenderness contains clear connotations of softness, lightness, and depths of sensitivity as yet untouched by me. It implies an absence of rough edges and sharp corners and hardness, all of which I carry in abundance in my soul.

How does one reach tenderness when it lies beyond such a harsh environment? Better to leave it alone, untouched, unexplored. Better to not reach so deep for something I have yet to find necessary or useful.

Until now.

It seems that when I had my daughter, she popped up on the other side of my hardness and sharpness in the sweet, flower-filled field of lavender tenderness. For the last four weeks she’s invited me, called to me, and ultimately demanded me to reach beyond all I dislike about myself in order to meet her there.

To do so, I’ve had to put down plenty of fear, anger, guilt, frustration, worry, self-doubt … baggage too heavy to make the journey to tenderness where the new young soul of my infant basks in the untainted sun. The journey isn’t easy. The terrain is ever-changing. Just when I think I’ve conquered one dark thought, another pops out from around the corner like the nightmare version of whack-a-mole.

But do I have a choice? Don’t I want to see my daughter for who she is, not who I see through my broken and wounded glasses? Isn’t she worth it, to meet her in all her divinity, her pristine, youthful beauty? She’s tiny and intelligent, aware and opinionated … a small but fully-fledged human being who deserves my respect, my love, and all the best of me.

Yet all she asks is a little tenderness. I’m proud to say … I’m doing my best.

Someday

Someday I’ll learn to value me
for every little thing I do.

Someday I’ll feel like I’m enough.
I’ll say the words and they’ll be true.

Someday I’ll notice all my good
and love every part of me.

Someday the voices in my head
will stop punishing me endlessly.

Until that day, I cry and cry
and wipe my tears away

with the prayer that I’ll be enough,
someday, oh, someday.

Remember, Woman

Remember, Woman, you were born
++life giver, miracle creator, magic maker.

You were born with the heart of a thousand mothers,
++open and fearless and sweet.
You were born with the fire of Queens & conquerors,
++warrioress blood you bleed.
You were born with the wisdom of sages & shamans,
++no wound can you not heal.
You were born the teller of your own tale,
++before none should you kneel.
You were born with an immeasurable soul
++reaching out past infinity.
You were born to desire with passion, abandon,
++and to name your own destiny.

Remember, Woman, remember
++you are more than you can see.
Remember, Woman, remember
++you are loved endlessly.

Remember, Woman, your power and grace,
++the depth of your deep sea heart.
Never forget you are Woman, divine,
++as you have been from the start.

More From This Moment

I want more from this moment.

I want wonder and awe,
wisdom and faith.
I want silence and stillness,
self-growth and change.

I want a wide open heart,
courageous and brave.
I want a voice for my spirit
that speaks without shame.

I want deep breaths and smiling eyes
and caramel kisses.
I want hugs to shatter all my walls
and kind ears to listen.

Let me not simply push through
to get through the day.
Let me not miss the miracles
whispering my name.

I want stillness and truth,
self-worth inside.
I want to love with each breath,
to feel alive.

In every moment.