My Demon Sweetheart

… a poem about depression.

Oh, my familiar friend,
I would tear your tongue out
for how you speak to me
but for the elegant truths your lies
come dressed in.

I would walk away, never looking back,
but you wrap me in such utter,
blinding darkness
my skin feels warm against
the ice in my bones.

When you sweep me off my feet
and take me to the bitter edge
I beg you just let me fall,
but that sweet release
isn’t why you came.

You, my demon sweetheart, are the best
at the worst kind of seduction.

Your crippling love won’t leave
me in peace.

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The Morning Squirrel

His bright, brown puff of a tail flicked the window, beckoning me to feeding time. He always came in the afternoon, a little bit twitchy, a little bit daring, always hungry for almonds. Or pumpkin seeds. Or whatever I had on hand. His comrade came in the mornings, silent and slow and never as eager to beg but always willing to sit and share in my company. The afternoon squirrel came only for food.

Once full, he’d bury any excess nuts in my various potted plants, tearing up my precious soil. In his defense, I always let him. Rarely would he linger. He’d never stand and stare, resting on his hind legs with his front paws crossed over his belly like a gentleman. His little whiskers never curled into an imaginary smile, nose turned up as in laughter.

No, not the afternoon squirrel. He flits about, anxious, never still, always hungry. Certainly always fed. He was the heavier of the two.

The morning squirrel comes and sits as if invited for breakfast. He waits politely for the food to be placed before him, served to him, rather than over-eagerly sniffing fingertips. Sometimes he’ll sniff the plants in greeting. Often he’ll stare into the house imagining the unending pile of nuts that must reside inside, but never is he bold enough to knock.

No, not the morning squirrel. He simply visits for a time like a neighbor passing leisurely by, making his way home before the sun gets too high.

I loved the morning squirrel. When I left that happy home I missed him most of all. I think of him often, his paws crossed over his belly, his imaginary smile. I left my potted plants behind in the hope that both might enjoy the nuts inside.

Change

Somewhere beneath
your guilt and regret
you changed.

Somewhere beyond
my bitterness and blame
I changed.

Somehow in a moment
of unburdened love
we changed

And made peace
on the battlefield
to which
for too long
we’ve been chained.

And I can breathe again.

The Good Life

Sweet kisses
Morning smiles
Belly laughs
Long walks
Holding hands
Honest words
Comfy silence
The warm sun
A cool breeze
The kind of rain that clears away anything darkening your soul
Wonder
Awe
Possibilities
Relaxation
Pleasure
Lightness
Softness
Deliciousness
Ease
Learning
Changing
Growth
Trust

Most of all…
Love

I Love You Enough

I love you enough
to love your freedom
as much as I love my own.

To stand aside and
not block the sun. It’s my
honor to watch you grow.

I love you enough
to support every wish,
every wild idea, every dream.

I’ll lift you up
above my shoulders to
reach as far as you can see.

I love you enough
to know you’re borrowed.
I claim no ownership of your life.

But until the day
I take my last breath I’ll
say a prayer for you every night.

And when I am gone
I’ll love you enough to
keep my memories of you in my mind

so when I meet our Maker
I’ll thank him (or her)
for giving me the greatest love of my life.